October 11 T1149 Orlando
[excerpt]

Right now is when I’d usually be having therapy. I tend to get flustered when Allie reschedules or even just switches to telehealth so it’s very unusual that I’d choose this intentionally. Maybe the fact that it’s my decision makes it feel like not such a big deal. The Astros are playing the Mariners right now so it’s also nice to have baseball as a distraction from my therapy hour, I guess. (We’re currently losing the game so though, so I suppose I’m journaling to distract me from my distraction.)

Skipping on purpose doesn’t feel as hard as I thought it would be but I think a lot of that is that I’m in a completely different environment, so by comparison any changes to my routine don’t seem so out of the ordinary. If I were at home I think the absence would feel more conspicuous. 

I find myself making mental notes of things about my trip I should mention in therapy. I wish my brain wouldn’t do this. I worry I depend too much on therapy.